we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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