Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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