I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
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