I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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