Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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