i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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