There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Randomize
