You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
