So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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