Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
