I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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