Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
