So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
