Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
