I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
being pregnant is like rehab
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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