just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
