i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
