I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
