Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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