End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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