you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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