for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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