She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
