A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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