i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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