Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
