i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
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