I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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