I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize