Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
