hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
