I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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