Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I had to cum in my sink.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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