you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
