I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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