It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
