I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
