If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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