your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
In other news, I just burned my penis
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
