bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
