It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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