Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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