I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
