Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
