im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
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