ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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