Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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