so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
