so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
