i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
