i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
