It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
