Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
