and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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