guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
