I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
