i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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