At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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