fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
