This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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