you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
