just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize