ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
