...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
