her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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