Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
sarcasm needs its own font
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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