my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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