Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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