dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
