You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
