where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
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