FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
