So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I enjoy the company of your penis
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
