Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
