i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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