cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
