Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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