she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize