Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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