So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
