I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
