I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
