if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
