I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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