Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
