my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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