so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
