I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
There's always time for handjobs
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize