i may or may not be watching the land before time
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
