You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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