She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
