But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize