Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
