Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
