He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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