last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
