we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Randomize