No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
