Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
