I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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