You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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