Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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