even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
